Q.
Dear Rinatta, I love receiving your emails. I do have a problem which I am wondering if you can offer light on. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship most of the time. However he says although I satisfy his physical needs well, he needs another woman to satisfy his emotional needs. I know this other woman and I feel like she is my rival for his attentions.There is a big power struggle going on between her and me and I find it too difficult to handle at times. My husband says he needs her but it gets me down how important she is to him. It affects my feelings towards him. Is it possible to resolve this or do I just live with the triangle? Joanne
A.
Dear Joanne, I am not clear from your question whether the other woman is simply a friend of your husband's or something more. I am clear that your marriage may be in trouble. It is unlikely that the situation can simply stay the way it is without some blow up - you feel too strong about it. I think there is only one solution, which is an ongoing dialog with your husband about the situation. Ask him what kind of needs the other woman meets for him and what you could do to meet those needs. Then listen to what he says and learn what you can do about the situation. Also, tell him in detail how you feel, talking to him without blaming. This can get resolved.
Q.
Rinatta, I have been dating a person occasionally and things were going quite well. We were taking things slow, but now we are getting closer and seeing each other more often. It's still very early in the dating process. We enjoy each other's company and have had a nice time so far. No commitment, no intimacy. Last night, he told me that he still sees his old girlfriend at least once a month and they are still very close (i.e., intimacy). But he says there is no future with her. He still wants to see me. He knows that we cannot go any further in our relationship until he ends it with her. He does not seem as if he is interested in ending it with her anytime soon. "It's the holidays, you don't understand, I can't do it to her now, etc., etc." He wants to continue to see me. He said it should not make any difference that he sees her once a month. He knows we cannot move our relationship forward as long as she is in the picture. But he still thinks we should go out on dates. Should I continue to see him? I feel like I am writing Dear Abby, but I really am perplexed. We are not very involved -- I don't even have a right to ask him not to see anyone else. It's that early in the relationship. Thank you for any advice. Diane
A.
Dear Diane, glad to be your Dear Abby. :-) If you are simply dating, with no plans for the future, if you are not thinking he is Mr. Right, but he is rather Mr.Right now, there is no harm in seeing him. Needless to say, I would suggest that you do not get intimate with him while he is still intimate with someone else. On the other hand, if you start to get even slightly attached and he is still seeing his ex, you may be in trouble. That may be the point at which you need to tell him you do not feel comfortable with someone else in the picture. Yet, that may be the point of no return.
I think you know that.
Q.
Rinatta,how can I meet someone that has an excellent education and makes enough money to support the both of us if we fall in love. I have been on 4 different paid internet sites and have been very disappointed. I also get negative feedback from family and friends that I should not be pursing dating in this manner. Help! Pat
A.
Dear Pat, unfortunately I am going to be yet another negative voice. How would you feel about a single man looking for a woman who makes enough money to support the both of them if they fall in love? Many men, and rightly so, resent women who go looking for a relationship with a desire to be supported by a future partner. Perhaps the best possible solution is for you to support yourself and then meet a man who will love, cherish and partner with you.
Q. I am a subscriber to your newsletter here in LA and would like a
recommendation for an on line dating service that caters to working professionals. I actually went to a semi-expensive matchmaker and did not get good results. Waiting to hear. Thanks! Nikki
A.
Dear Nikki, try www.match.com and www.spousefinders.com. Also, check out www.byinvitationonly.com. Please let me know if you find any other great dating services on the web.
Q.
Rinatta, I've been dating a man for more than 2 years, constantly talking to him and seeing him everyday. One year of it was horrible, where he was dating someone else. He constantly talked about this other relationship and he eventually stopped seeing her after she found that he was not going to married her. Now he and I are "together," except he is still living in the house with his ex-wife (strictly platonic, he says and I "sort" of believe him). One main issue I have is that he never spends the night with me, although I see him and talk to him everyday. What do you think, except about this, besides it being strange? Anon
A.
Dear Anon, it is not my place to consider whether this is strange or not. What I do think is that you are settling for a relationship with a man who is not available to you. I think that is the significance of him not spending the night with you - he is blatantly unavailable. The best thing I can tell you to do is let your partner know what kind of a relationship you want and ask him if he is interested in building such a relationship with you.
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