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Ask
your relation- ship question.
go
there
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Q&A1
Recovering from rejection, talking about the future.
go
there
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Q&A2
Ending a relation- ship, to marry or not, is it friendship
or what, getting over cheating, etc. go
there
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Q&A3
Changing his feelings, stopping ex from being rude, proving
mom wrong, etc. go
there
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Q&A4
Breaking relation- ship addiction, the single epidemic,
how big is that age gap. go
there
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Q&A5
Should I see the light, forgiving infidelity, dealing with
her problems. go
there
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Q&A6
Looking for a decent man, second chances, mass dating, love
addiction. go
there
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| Q&A7
Emotional affair, he's still attached, a loaded man, e-dating,
love addiction. go
there |
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Q&A8
How to handle a possessive partner, pursuing a friend's
girlfriend, intimacy & anger, relationships and personal
space, online dating tips. go
there
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Q.
Hi, coach. I have very much enjoyed your newsletters and the information is great. Please tell me how to recover from rejection. This guy and I met online, corresponded with letters and matched up perfect. We sent each other pictures then phone numbers. We had long conversations on the phone every night and he would call just to tell me he was thinking about me. We both just knew we had found the "one."
Sunday night, I went to meet him face to face. I can't even describe the look of disappointment on his face when he laid eyes on me. He told me, "I didn't look like my picture." He told me I
wasn't glamorous enough for him, and he put too much into my picture. After all those conversations about what we had in common, what we were looking for, and him saying, "If you're half as pretty as
your picture, I'm a lucky man." I'm so very hurt, I can't see straight. Now, burnt, I'm not even interested in trying again. Can you please help? Thanks, Valerie A.
Dear Valerie, you can not get to know someone any other way than by being in person with them. Internet, chat, email and phone calls will give you some sense of a person, but to build a relationship on that glimpse into another person is a sure way to have heartbreak.
This is not because people lie about who they are, but rather because there is usually a difference between who people think they are and who they really are. That's why there are so many sayings about
watching people's actions more than listening to their words. Yours is classic case of what happens again and again using the Internet. Perhaps you should reconsider giving up dating altogether or even
giving up on finding a mate on the Internet. Rather than giving up, make sure that when you do connect with someone, meet him in person and build the relationship in person.are.
Q.
I just started receiving the coaching newsletter... great stuff. Question... I have been in a monogamous and committed relationship with my guy for almost a year. We never talk about our future together. It is a very one-day-at-a-time kind of relationship. We are very compatible spiritually which was the key reason for the development of the relationship. We did not have sex for the first five months of the relationship which has turned out to be one of the best things that has every happened in a relationship for me. We built intimacy based on who we are together and getting to know who we are.
My question is: I want to talk about future stuff... how do I do that or should I even do that? I have subtly let him know what I want but it has never turned into a discussion about it... so I am
wondering if you can help me through this dilemma? Do I bring up the subject or not? I want to live together eventually... does he? Thank you. Jackie
A.
Dear Jackie, it seems all of the sudden you are ahead of your partner and ready for something he is not. You have two choices - do nothing, and wait for him to catch up to you or initiate a conversation. There is no way to know which choice is the better one. Listen to your gut on this one. Subtly letting him know what you want is not one of the choices if you want to continue to have a great relationship - it's really nothing more than manipulation.
If you do decide to initiate a conversation, here is some language that should make it pretty palatable to your guy: "You know, we never talk about our future, and I have been starting to feel
like I want to. What do you see/want for us in the future?" Good luck to you. |
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