Score Interpretation If you are single, look up your score interpretation below. Use your quiz score to determine your relationship readiness. If you are in a relationship and you have both taken the quiz, you should look at the lowest quiz score between you as the final score for your relationship. The old saying, "a chain is only as strong as its weakest link," also applies to relationships; a relationship is only as successful as its lowest common level of functioning. If you are in a relationship and either cannot or will not ask your partner to take the quiz, use the score interpretation one level below your actual score (i.e. if you scored in the 30-60 range, look at 0-30 range, etc.). The reason for this is that your inability to share the quiz with your partner could be revealing of unresolved relationship issues. 0-30 Individual Score Ok, you know you have some work to do on yourself before you can have a long-term relationship that meets your needs and expectations. Where do you start? Get involved in personal development and growth—read, take classes, hire a therapist a coach, take workshops, etc. At the same time, pick a few points from the quiz and master them. 0-30 Couple Score As a couple you need to invest more time and energy in connecting on a deeper, more meaningful level. You can take two sets of action simultaneously. Each of you can get involved in personal development and growth individually. As you both grow and develop individually, you will naturally bring more depth to your relationship. At the same time, pick a few points from the quiz and master them, together. 31-60 Individual Score You are certainly capable of having a satisfying relationship that meets some of your needs. If you grow and develop yourself more, you will reap great rewards. Specifically, notice any sections in which you did not agree with most statements. These are the sections to focus on next. It would be most helpful if you could get outside support—a therapist, a coach, a counselor—to work on the sections of your choice. 31-60 Couple Score You fall into a score range with most couples, which means your relationship works ok most of the time. Unfortunately this also means that your relationship may get less satisfying with time. Individual personal development, as well as working on deepening your true connection, will be your ticket to lasting happiness. Pick a section of the quiz you want to master as a couple, and with some outside support start to build the new behaviors into your relationship. 61-90 Individual Score With this score, you are more equipped to have a healthy relationship than most people. Yet, there is always room for improvement, because relationships do best in a growth environment with participants who are growth-oriented. What will you work on next? With the help of a therapist, coach, or counselor, work on a few points at a time that you could not agree with. Also, read books and take classes on the subject. 61-90 Couple Score For a couple this is an excellent score, showing that you have a much better than average change of living happily ever after. The key is to keep growing, together and separately. Make sure you use lots of resources to do this—books, classes, seminars, groups, etc. The other key is to look at any small nagging issues that cause discomfort or distress in your relationship and to address them now. 91-100 Individual Score If you were brutally honest with yourself as you took the quiz and this is the score you came up with, you are more than able to have a healthy relationship that lasts a lifetime. Do you find yourself still single? If so, there may be other personal issues at play that are impacting your ability to attract a mate. Take a look at relationship quizzes here to see if you can figure out what is holding you back. 91-100 Couple Score If you score in this range as a couple, you have a very good change of making it to a ripe old age happily together. There is no doubt your relationship works well. Keep doing what you are doing, even in times of stress, to keep it vibrant and satisfying. If you would like, share with me how you have built your relationship to withstand the tests of time.

Complete the sections by placing a checkmark next to each statement you agree with. Score the sections by giving yourself one point for each checkmark. Record your score and keep it on hand.

After you have completed the quiz, combine your section scores and read the quiz score interpretation.

If you are in a relationship, ask your partner to do the same, then get back together and compare your scores. Use your answers and your scores as a springboard for discussion.

Use this quiz as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of yourself, or if you are in a relationship, of yourself and your partner. Use those statements that you left unmarked or did not match up with your partner's answers as points to work on.

Section 1: How You Look at Relationships

1. Conflict between partners is no time to pack up and leave
2. Conflict between partners does not mean you picked the wrong partner
3. Conflict between partners is not a reflection of whether or not you are with your soulmate
4. Unrelenting conflict means your need to get outside help
5. Physical and emotional abuse is not a normal part of couple conflict
6. Conflict between partners is an opportunity to create more depth and intimacy
7. The best way to deal with conflict is not to wait until it blows over
8. The best way to deal with conflict is not to have a knock down, drag out everything fight
9. The best way to deal with conflict is not to stonewall your partner when an issue is being brought up
10. The best way to deal with conflict is to have a reasonably calm discussion, making sure to stay on topic

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 1

Section 2: How You Deal with Your Negative Feelings

1. I don't hide my negative feelings from myself
2. I don't save up feelings, even when they seem minor, because then I would blow up when I got full
3. I voice my feelings even when I am afraid of scaring away my partner
4. I try to discuss feelings when they come up
5. When something goes wrong, I can control my anger
6. I don't take my partner's actions personally. Yes, I am affected, but bad things are not being done to me on purpose
7. I work on seeing each incident clearly, as possibly related to but separate from the past. Situations can turn out differently
8. When we argue, I never hit below the belt -- I never purposefully say hurtful words
9. I have a right to my feelings and never have to justify how I feel
10. I have a responsibility to not use my feelings as weapons against my partner

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 2

Section 3: Being Your Own Person

1. I love myself and could never give myself up completely for another
2. I am noticing parts of myself I surrendered to the relationship and am reclaiming them
3. I have not given up my passion to be in the relationship
4. I have not given up my friends to be in the relationship
5. I have not given up my finances and financial security to be in the relationship
6. I have not given up my self care while in the relationship
7. I have not given up my spirituality while in the relationship
8. I have not been asked to give up on things, activities, dreams and hopes important to me
9. I have not given up on my self, my self esteem, my dignity while in the relationship
10. I have gained as a person from the relationship -- more interests, vitality, more richness, more life, etc.

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 3

Section 4: Your Growth and Development

1. I am deeply involved in my growth and development
2. I am looking into personality growth and development
3. I have worked with a therapist or a coach
4. I have attended personal development workshops
5. I am eager and hungry for books that give me insights into myself
6. I am generally an introspective person - I know what I feel, think, want, and don't want
7. I understand what makes me happy and what makes me react
8. I am working on mastering my beliefs and emotions
9. No one has to push me to grow - I am eager to see growth opportunities, in my relationship and elsewhere
10. My growth and maturation as a person and as an adult is a key factor in the health of my relationship

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 4

Section 5: Feeling Good in the Relationship

1. I work on creating good feeling in a relationship on an ongoing basis
2. I am learning how to create good feelings in a relationship on an ongoing basis
3. I am working on being a more generous toward my partner
4. I am working on being more compassionate toward my partner
5. I am working on being more understanding of my partner
6. I am asking my partner to tell me his/her experiences of life and the relationship, so that I can have more understanding
7. I am working on bringing more kindness into the relationship
8. I create fun and joy in the relationship on a regular basis
9. Humor is of great help to the relationship in times of stress
10. I seek out mutually meaningful connection with my partner on a regular basis

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 5

Section 6: Passion

1. Intimacy is a priority in my relationship
2. I am working on making intimacy a priority
3. I am working on revealing the depth of my emotions and thoughts to my partner
4. I am working on being increasingly present with my partner
5. I am always seeking new information and tips to bring me and my partner more pleasure and fun
6. I am willing to experiment and to reveal myself to my partner in private
7. I make sure we have time for each other, regardless of what life may demand from us
8. Intimacy is the glue that keeps a relationship together happily
9. I touch, embrace, and kiss my partner frequently
10. I flirt with my partner

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 6

Section 7: Taking Care of Your Needs

1. My partner is not responsible for taking care of my needs. It's a nice benefit of the relationship most of the time, but it is not an obligation.
2. It's difficult at times, but I am working on being the one responsible for taking
   care of my needs
3. I do not punish my partner when he/she is unable or unwilling to be there for me
4. I do not punish myself or think badly of myself when my partner is not able or willing to take care of my needs
5. I know that it's not personal when my partner is unable or unwilling to take care of my needs
6. I do not have a problem asking my partner and other safe people, repeatedly if needed, to meet my needs
7. I can take people saying no to my request to get my needs met
8. When I feel needy, I know exactly what to do to take care of myself to feel better
9. I have soberly and calmly assessed how much and which of my needs I am willing to not get met and for how long and still remain in a relationship
10. My needs are important to my well-being and must get met

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 7


Section 8: Dealing with Emotional Pain and Discomfort

1. I can admit when my partner or another person is right about me doing something wrong
2. I can admit to my personality or habit flaws and can admit to their negative impact on others
3. I can feel embarrassed or ashamed and yet not have to defend or justify my actions
4. I can take suggestions for change and growth from others without taking it as an assassination on my character
5. I am grateful for suggestions on change and growth - they are opportunities for me to continue my personal development
6. I can handle discord with my partner, as long as we are being productive in our discord
7. I can handle prolonged discord with my partner
8. I can tell my partner the truth about myself and about him/her and the behavior that impacts the relationship
9. I have healthy tools to deal with my emotional pain and discomfort
10. I do not tolerate emotional and/or physical abuse

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 8


Section 9: Sharing What's Inside

1. Vulnerability is essential to the health and longevity of a relationship
2. I know what it feels like and how to be emotionally vulnerable
3. I am not afraid of being emotionally vulnerable
4. Vulnerability is a choice of sharing what's inside - it is not a weakness, and it is not neediness
5. I want to be seen by my partner, both the good and the bad of me
6. I want to see all parts of my partner, to love the good and to accept the bad
7. I reveal myself for the sake of being known, even if being known does not guarantee acceptance
8. I may keep some information hidden from my partner for a time as the relationship matures and grows to be able to embrace the information
9. I seek out healthy avenues to deepen our connection and sharing
10. I am smart about not sharing information if I know it will be used against me

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 9

Section 10: Courage

1. I am growing my relationship courage — I take one courageous action in the relationship every day or every week
2. I am not willing to not take necessary action simply because I am afraid
3. I am always smart about the courageous actions I take. I never take actions which may endanger my own or other's well being
4. I speak my mind, although I may be afraid of the consequences
5. I keep revealing what's inside, even though I may be afraid of the consequences
6. I keep exploring and changing myself, even though I am afraid my partner will be threatened by the changes
7. I keep exploring my passionate side, even though I am afraid of looking foolish or of what my partner may think of me
8. I reveal my feelings, even though they may be negated, dismissed, or disputed
9. I ask for my needs to get met, even though I run the risk of being rejected
10. I take courageous steps so that my relationship may be dynamic and vibrant, as opposed to stagnant and dying

____ YOUR SCORE FOR SECTION 10

____ YOUR OVERALL QUIZ SCORE

____ PARTNER'S OVERALL QUIZ SCORE

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Rinatta Paries, Relationship Coach, Master Certified Coach

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