LCN#181

Singles HelpDating HelpRelationship & Marriage HelpFor Men OnlyPersonal Advice & CoachingLove Advice Articles

            

   Love Coach Blog         Tips         Quizzes         Ask Coach         About the Coach  

Send this Page to a Friend

YOU ARE HERE Home >

Love Coach Newsletters >  LCN#181 >
 

LoveCoachRP---drawing02

Rinatta Paries
Your Love Coach

 

Donít forget to get the Love Coach Newsletter:  Single, dating, in relationship, married, going through a breakup or dealing with an affair? Get real love advice & tips, info about essential learning opportunities free by email biweekly

Your Name Your Email




































Relationship Coach Newsletter #181, 2/19/05
Service of WhatItTakes.com & Love Coach Rinatta Paries
 

Welcome to this weekís issue, sent at your request!

      In this issue:
      1.
      News, Your Feedback, Your Subscription, Article Synopsis
      2. Article for Singles and Early Daters: Better Partner Choices
      3.
      Article for People in Relationships & Marriages:
           How to Affect Change in Your Relationship


       

1. News, Your Feedback, Your Subscription, Article Synopsis
___________________________________________________________

News
I am on the last leg of finally finishing up the Whom Are You Dating eClass. Lesson 5, the final lesson of the eClass will be posted to class website by mid-next week. This eClass is by far the best work in exploring, explaining and helping people with dating dynamics I have ever done. Because of this I will be raising the enrollment price for this eClass to $45 or more as soon as it is finished.

If you want to grab Whom Are You Dating eClass now at the current price of $35, you can do it for only about the next 5 to 7 days. Get Whom Are You Dating eClass or read more about it.

Your Feedback
A customer wrote the following comment about Whom Are You Dating eClass she got from Singles Education section of WhatItTakes.com :

"The class is really excellent and I am working through it slowly because it does take work and lots of thought." ~ Suzanne

Your Subscription
SUBSCRIBE: visit Relationship Newsletter Issues & Info
UNSUBSCRIBE:
CHANGE INFO:

Article Synopsis
Article for Singles and Early Daters: How to think through your partner choices before you pay the price of a difficult relationship.

Article for People in Relationships & Marriages: What you might expect to hear when you ask your partner for change and what to do about it.

 

2. Article for Singles and Early Daters: Better Partner Choices
___________________________________________________________

As a single person you have many choices when it comes to choosing dating partners and, ultimately, a mate. Here is one question you should ask yourself when you are choosing whom to date: Do you choose someone who can help you grow, or someone whom you will have to work on changing?

Many singles will openly admit that it initially feels better to be in any relationship, than in no relationship at all. This is especially true if the sparks are flying

In that light, many singles end up not being picky enough, not waiting long enough to match up with someone who will be right for them. Instead they go for Mr or Ms Right-Now. This is fine  for a time.

That is, until one or the other person starts to feel the desire to get more serious. That is when all of the incompatibilities surface, and when people start blaming each other for the incompatibilities and start trying to change each other.

If this doesn't sound bad to you, read today's article for people in relationships, below, to see how difficult it is to get another person to change.

Instead, how about choosing someone who can fit well with you? It's not that the two of you need to be twins. But choosing someone you don't have to change, whom you are ok with as he or she is now, will help you end up in a longer-term, healthier, happier relationship.

How do you choose partners better? Figure out what's absolutely critical for you to have in a partner in order to be happy. Then discern whether the person you are dating or are attracted to has the critical traits you need in a partner.

If you want detailed instructions on how to do this, check out the current featured Whom Are You Dating eClass.

 

3. Article for People in Relationships & Marriages:
How to Affect Change in Your Relationship
___________________________________________________________

You are in a relationship and your partner is doing something that bugs you. He or she is doing it repeatedly, and it's upsetting, perhaps making you feel unloved. You ask for change. Here is what you might expect in response:

No Change
Your partner may reject your request as invalid, either denying the behavior exists or denying that change is needed. Your partner did not hear you. If the change is important, continue the conversation with patience and energy, until your partner starts to pay attention.

The Un-Change
Your partner does a milder version of the behavior. If you complain he or she will say, "I changed! You're just never satisfied!" Your partner has not really understood the situation and how it affects you. More conversation will be needed until your partner understands how the behavior affects you.

Camouflage Change
Your partner stops doing the behavior...in your presence. The behavior still affects you, but your partner does not understand this. You guessed it - more conversation is in order.

'Whatever' Change
Your partner agrees quickly to make the change, saying something like, "Sure, honey, whatever you want." He or she may intend to change behavior according to your concerns, but thinks it's a whim of yours. As a result, the change will be erratic - sometimes remembered, sometimes forgotten, often laughed off, which will make you feel bad. More conversation will be needed for your partner to understand your needs and concerns.

Ah-ha! Change - this is the one you wanted all along!
Your partner will hear your concerns, will express regret that he or she has hurt you without meaning to, and will undertake to make changes. Your partner wants to be pleasing and respectful toward you. It may take a while for the partner to move into a new pattern of behavior, but he or she will get there and you both will be happier for it.

Ah-ha! change feeds a relationship and helps it grow, while all other kinds of change, or even silence on your part, slowly erode the love in a relationship.

How do you get to the Ah-ha! change faster and better? Master the art of communication in your relationship.

A very good  place to learn how to do this is the Essential Communication Course for Couples I created just for this purpose.

 

Love Always!
Your Love Coach,
Rinatta Paries

Coach@WhatItTakes.com

Love Education & Coaching Services at  www.WhatItTakes.com
Real Help for Singles, Dating, in Relationship, Engaged & Married People!

___________________________________________________________

Copyright WhatItTakes.com 1998-2005. All rights reserved. Please forward this newsletter, but it MUST be whole and intact. To use our articles in your publication or website, contact Coach Rinatta Paries.

Send this Page to a Friend

Donít forget to get the Love Coach Newsletter:
Single, dating, in relationship, married, going through a breakup or dealing with an affair? Get real love advice & tips, info about essential learning opportunities free by email biweekly.


Your Name Your Email


     Singles Help |      Dating Help |      Relationship & Marriage Help |      For Men Only |      Personal Advice & Coaching |      Love Advice Articles |      Love Coach Blog |      Tips |      Quizzes |      Ask Coach |      About the Coach |

Love Advice, Help & Coaching Services        Rinatta Paries, Love Coach

P.O. Box 65834, Vancouver, WA 98665      US Toll Free 1-888-215-6033     Coach@WhatItTakes.com


Copyright Rinatta Paries 1998-2005